Greetings to my beloved Saved Single family! You may have noticed that I have been fairly quiet on my blog and social media lately, and I am finally ready to give an explanation for my whereabouts.
As some of you may know, I was recently engaged. After a 4-month courtship, I was thrilled and excited to embark on the new journey towards marriage. I was absolutely stunned and overwhelmed with the love and support that I received from hundreds of my wonderful friends, family, and readers. But shortly after my enthusiastic “YES”, I had a change of heart……
I do not currently feel led to share the specifics of my experience with my ex-fiancé, but I will say that I am nobody’s fool. I don’t care how many times ya’ll pray together a day, or how many scriptures he can quote. If his words and his actions are not adding up, for your sanity, let him go. Luke 6:44 says, “A tree is identified by its fruit.” And I quickly came to the realization that an orange tree was trying to convince me that it was an apple tree. We must stop marrying people’s potential and start marrying their reality because an orange will not magically morph into an apple, just because it has a wedding ring. He is who he is. Once you’ve seen it, you must decide if you are willing to live with it for the rest of your life.
I wrote this blog to encourage any person who is trying to find the strength to break off that empty engagement. You may feel pressured by your family. You may feel embarrassed that your relationship did not work out. You may be frustrated that you’ve already invested money and time in the wedding planning. But if God did not give you peace about marrying that person, DON’T DO IT! I believe so many of us willfully breeze past the warning signs God allows us to see because we are tired of waiting, fearful that we will never meet somebody else, and determined to rid ourselves of loneliness- even if it means marrying a person that we know we should not marry.
Ask any divorced person and they will tell you- it is better to be happily single than miserably married. So what’s the rush? For some strange reason, many of us are convinced that marriage will solve all of our problems. In actuality, it will MAGNIFY them.
I believe there is an overwhelming assumption that a broken engagement leaves one heartbroken and grief stricken instead of empowered. My conversations over the past few weeks go like this:
Them: Congratulations Britt! Where’s the ring?!
Me: I ended the engagement.
Them: What? Oh No! OMG, I am so sorry to hear that! You must be devastated. Are you okay? OMG?! *deep hug*
Me: Um, yes, actually I’m great 😉
Them: What happened?
Me: I decided I’d rather have a broken engagement than a broken marriage
I hope this blog makes you think about broken engagements differently. Engagements are meant to be broken- marriage covenants aren’t. A broken engagement is often times an avoided divorce.
I am grateful for your concern, I really am. But I don’t need comforting. My engagement is broken. I’m not. A emotionally healthy individual does not fear singleness, but embraces it as a time for endless freedom and growth! I learned so much about myself and received confirmation that I am whole in Christ and more concerned about being obedient than changing my last name. And after going through this experience, I commend any person who possesses the wisdom and courage to walk away from a bad relationship before it gets to the alter. It is so easy to get caught up in the wedding hype and well wishes that we completely lose sight of the true purpose of marriage. We spend our entire lives fantasizing and planning the special day that we will walk down the aisle to the man of our dreams, failing to realize when the clock strikes 12, the DJ packs up, and the guest leave our reception WE ARE STUCK WITH THIS GUY FOR THE REST OF OUR LIFE. FOREVER. UNTIL WE DIE.
So make sure you choose wisely. Don’t marry a clown!
When I finally decided that I had tolerated enough foolishness and wanted out, I did not break down and cry. I did not have a ‘Waiting to Exhale’ moment and set fire to his clothes while chain smoking the night away. I simply recognized that I desired a marriage built on respect, integrity, trust, honesty, and Christ. A marriage lacking any of these essential founding principles is simply not worth the time, effort, or headache. So, I gave the ring back. And with the help of my Pastor, the love of my parents, and support from my wonderful sister-friends, I undoubtedly saved myself from a lifetime filled with frustration and heartache at the hands of a man who didn’t really love me. It wasn’t love, because love does not hurt. It was dysfunction. And dysfunction has no place in my life.
The 2 most important questions you will ever answer on this earth are:
- Will you choose to accept or reject Christ?
- Who will you choose to marry?
I already got the first one right, and so far, I’m pretty sure I’ve gotten the second one right too! I am moving forward and super excited about my continued journey of singleness with Christ! I pray that this meets you where you are, and that you’ll always put your hope in God, not marriage. The only relationship that should define you is the relationship you have with your Creator.
1 Corinthians 7:28 “But if you do marry, you have not sinned; and if a virgin marries, she has not sinned. But those who marry will face many troubles in this life, and I want to spare you this.”
One time for the nation,
Saved Single ME again