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Purity: I’m Not Your Sample!

Definition of sexual purity: getting no sexual gratification from anyone or anything except your spouse.

I wanted to do this post because I received a ton of questions from young ladies who desire to get married, but are struggling to say ‘no’ to sex before the vow (notice I didn’t say ring, because the engagement ring means nothing until the license is signed). Anyway, many women believe that no man will truly wait until marriage. So, in order to keep his attention and the relationship in “good standing”, many are caving into the pressure to have premarital sex.

The word of the day is SAMPLES.

While in the mall, have you ever walked by the pretzel shop and seen them passing out samples? Usually, you’ll walk by and try one- and if it’s really good, you’ll disguise yourself, walk back, and take another one! But rarely do you end up buying a whole pretzel (because your temporary craving has been satisfied and you got full off the samples.)


Our relationships with men work the same way. If you’re giving samples out to everyone, you’re satisfying their temporary craving without them ever having the need to pay the price for you. And usually, they won’t.

Notice, the jewelry store doesn’t give out samples because jewels are VALUABLE. You don’t have to sample a diamond to know its worth. (And yes, to any smarty pants out there, I’m fully aware that diamonds are made from coal, so they truly aren’t valuable and blah blah blah) Stick with me people…..

Ladies, are you passing out your samples like the pretzel shop? Or are you securely protected, guarded, & enclosed waiting to be seeked out by a serious buyer at the jewelry store? A woman who knows her worth does not need to give out samples. The man God truly has for her will seek her out and recognize her value.

Another problem with samples, is when you try too many, it’s easy to get confused! Try a sample of chocolate cake, followed by a sample of lemon meringue, followed by a sample of peach cobbler. Individually, they are great. But when you start tasting a bunch of different flavors, it’s easy to become indecisive and confused about what you want. I believe this is one of the reasons why so many of us are walking around confused with the inability to make a sound relationship decision. We’ve tried too many samples and can’t figure out what we want!

When you give a man everything you have to offer, he no longer has the incentive to work for your heart. If you are already cooking for him, cleaning up for him, sharing a bank account, vacationing together, staying the night, having sex, and raising children- what do you guys have to look forward to in a marriage? You’ll have a fancy ceremony, then return home to the house that you already shared together, while continuing to do the same things that you were already doing before the wedding. This is not intended to make anyone feel judged, but this is the reality of what the world encourages us to do. It is easy to become complacent and delay progression when we are already reaping the benefits of progress.

I don’t know about you, but I want my wedding day to mean something! I am worth the wait, and so are you! And you know who else is worth the wait? Your future spouse. Why should your eventual husband pay full price for what you freely gave to everyone else? It’s time to get serious about this and stop letting everyone take a piece of you. Pretzels are meant to be sampled; you’re not.

I pray that this meets you where you are. Be encouraged, and be intentional about your walk with Christ. God’s best for your life will lead, wait, and respect your decision to honor God with your body.

Let’s start a movement! #ImNotYourSample (tweet & Instagram this with your best selfie, I would love to see and feature my lovely sisters in Christ!)

Ephesians 5:3 “But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people.”

One time for the nation,


About Saved Single ME

Christian, cupcake lover, owl collector, Grad student, Carter's Aunt, part-time extrovert, pink Starburst on deck, secretly loves listening to Christmas music year-round, secretly fears robots #Huglife

  • B C
    November 18, 2014

    Recently, I found a post of yours through a friend and have enjoyed reading what you have to say! This “samples” blog was a great illustration of exactly what society expects women to do today. Our question should never be “how far can I go” but instead, “how pure can I remain”. Purity is not just about the physical; emotional, spiritual, physical…a lot plays into remaining pure for your future spouse.

    Let me offer some encouragement to those of you who are waiting and thinking that no one will wait for or with you! God has incredibly blessed me with a man who waited for me and still thanks me often for waiting for him. I saved my first kiss for marriage (along with everything else)…only by God’s grace and strength…and my husband loves to tell people that and claim it as a priceless gift that only he gets to partake in. My husband was in the Marine Corps when we met, and if you know anything about the military, that is a VERY HARD PLACE to remain pure! Yet, because of God’s grace and strength, my handsome Marine came to meet me with a heart ready to give to only me and a body that was mine alone. We’ve both made mistakes and choices that we wish we could undue; but God’s grace can cover every mistake and poor choice.

    For those who are waiting for their future spouse, don’t be idle! Live vibrantly and boldly for Christ while you wait. Singleness is a gift in and of itself. There were things I could do as a single person that I can’t do now that I’m married (and vice versa). I don’t regret being married for a minute; but don’t waste the time that God allows you to have for singleness. My spouse tells me that the things that drew him to me the most were my work with teens (I worked in a youth group at the time), my love for Jesus (although quite imperfect!), and my love for adventure. I was drawn to him because I could tell he loved Jesus, he was actively serving in a youth group overseas, and he loved helping people. Don’t hide and wait for Mr. (or Mrs. Right) to come and find you in your dark house! Serve Christ with all you have and make sure He’s in everything you seek, say, and do; don’t be caught wishing you had done more with your singleness. And when you do get married, enjoy every single second! Life is so short; don’t waste a single breath!

    My sweet husband made every effort to protect both of our hearts before we were married and still continues to guide and protect my heart today. My gentleman, extremely handsome, witting, charming, honest, loving, patient, Marine, husband is my greatest gift from God (next to my salvation) and he was worth waiting for. If the guy you’re with is truly a man worth your time, he will not only wait for you, but he will happily help you both avoid temptation and protect your heart until you say “I do”. Be encouraged! It is WORTH waiting for and doing it the way God instructs!

    • Brittaneé
      November 19, 2014

      Thank you for sharing this!! God bless you and hubby 🙂

  • Marcy Kennedy
    September 9, 2014

    Thank you so much for this post. I have recently chosen to remain abstinent until I marry my spouse. At first I thought, how could I really give it up but after reading this post I know I made the right decision. I am worth more than a sample, and my future husband deserves my purity. Thank you!

  • Bro Sokes
    August 28, 2014

    I want to thank you for highlighting THE ACTUAL DISCONNECTION that brings about this issue; for most young Women today.
    Your statement of ‘young Women not encountering any young Men who seem to want to support them in waiting until Marriage’ (my interpretation of your words: Anyway, many women believe that no man will truly wait until marriage.) is paramount in what makes your entire blog have weight. For if a Man WILL NOT be 1st in upholding God’s virtue (sexually) prior to Marriage, then how can a Woman find her way in staying “strong” (sexually) until Marriage?

    Continue to speak to this generation of young Women! Remember, be bold! Be compassionate! Be wise! And, be patient!

    Bro Stokes

  • Courtney
    August 19, 2014

    Awesome. Thank you for the encouragement!!

  • Jen Lee
    August 19, 2014

    Amen Sista, encouraged indeed. Thank u!

  • Tamika Jackson
    August 19, 2014

    THIS POST I MADE ON UR “THINK LIKE A MAN TOO BLOG WAS EXACTLY THE SAME IDEA, I POSTED IT BELOW TO REPEAT MY IDEA OF “SAMPLING” We as women shld never risk losing ourselves or our identity when sharing with others or letting others sample our stuff.

    August 15, 2014

    Great post! I am enjoying your blog, in which was shared by a great friend of mine, and writer/blogger of “The Proactive Eye”. I agree totally with negating the 90 day or any other “premarital sex” rule! It helps lower the standards of women, and places a horrible foundation for a single person in the dating game. First and foremost we women should set biblical standards and date with a purpose accordingly. Personal testimony: I used to date guys randomly (without purpose) and when I felt something for him and saw our relationship moving towards “serious”, I wld have sex with him. Well, while I knew better, I had some spiritual growth that needed to take place.
    I mentioned this to make clear I am not judging, but simply starting God expects more from out lives as women. He never intended us to sample or be sampled out. Stop playing he loves me, he loves me not, and the game of 90 day or any day before marriage game. Be happy in ur singleness for the time being, God wants u to serve Him and know Him for yourself in this time. Who knows your husband could be searching for you while u are in service. J/S.
    1 Thess 4:3-5,7 NLT

    And always remember there is salvation in Christ. Believe in DBR=death, burial, resurrection 1 Cor. 15:1-4
    Instagram: @movemeek

  • Ed
    August 18, 2014

    As a man who has dated once, and never married, I can say I appreciate a woman who does indeed “hold out” for Mr. Right.

  • Rowzina Middleton
    August 18, 2014

    This was awesome. Thank you so much for sharing.

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