Here’s the thing- I’ve gone through more personality changes during my 20’s than a paranoid schizophrenic. I’ve been a beauty queen, a high maintenance diva, a relaxed hair fan, a natural hair fan, a free spirit hippie, a party girl, a basketball wifey, a human rights activist, and a host of other ridiculous personas that I adopted to fit my dysfunctional surroundings at that time. And I have the pictures to prove it. *By the way, I’m only 26.
Some may call it “fake”, (DISCLAIMER: I don’t give 2 Krusty Krab pizzas what people think), but anybody who says they haven’t changed or grown during their 20’s is either lying, or a stagnant sad person living a very boring, non-progressive life. . We are constantly changing. In fact, the only thing in this world that is constant is change. The danger of marrying someone when you are super young is the happy, forgiving, romantic person you tie-the-knot to at age 18, may be a complete stranger by the time ya’ll reach 28. You are both going through changes. (enter unnecessary divorce here)
See, I am a completely different person today than I was at ages 15…..17……18……22…..24…….and even 25. As I’ve matured, my wants, needs, behavior, and deal breakers have changed. And because so much has changed, I literally cannot bring myself to imagine what my life would be like if I was still in a relationship with any of the guys I dated in my teens and early twenties.
All this to say:
I owe each of my exes a large chocolate covered Edible Arrangement and thank you card. I managed to escape a lifetime of sorrow by not marrying them, and even better, they escaped a lifetime of unhappiness by not marrying me. I had to realize, even though they had problems, I had problems too. A lot of problems. I was not a good fit for them and they definitely weren’t a good fit for me. This post is not intended to bash my exes, but to acknowledge that for whatever reason, we thankfully broke up, and in the process gave each other a true shot at happiness in life.
THE COMMON DENOMINATOR IN EVERY BREAK UP I HAVE EVER EXPERIENCED, IS ME.
I am not perfect, and clearly my track record shows I could use some improvement in the love department. But the main problem that I experienced in every relationship, is that I didn’t know Christ. I said His name, and went to church here and there. But my heart and actions said something totally different. And because I didn’t know Him, I DIDN’TKNOW MYSELF. And because I didn’t know myself, I was unqualified to be a good girlfriend or future wife to anybody. I forfeited the protection, wisdom, and purity that comes from a God centered relationship with boundaries, and I was left to deal with the heart break that resulted.
A relationship WITHOUT Christ plus a relationship WITH another flawed human = a deadly combination that is destined to go down in flames. Literally. Without my Savior, I am a empty confused ball of emotional mess with a fabulous 20 inch Peruvian hair weave. Real talk. And nobody wants to be in a relationship with that. So I started working on me. Not worrying about the past or trying to get closure from a loser who never loved me. Just working on me.
Being Single has been a CRUCIAL part of my growth and understanding of self. It is the bravest thing that I’ve ever done, and the most generous gift that I have ever given myself. We have so many people out here trying to build relationships and marriages on the foundation of hurt, expecting their partner to solve all of their problems and insecurities. But It is completely unfair to make another person responsible for your happiness, especially when you haven’t forgiven an ex or let go of a person who hurt you in the past. Being Single is a time to heal, grow, and let the past go…….. so today, FORGIVE THAT CRAPPY EX AND THANK THEM FOR WHAT THEY BROUGHT TO YOUR LIFE, GOOD OR BAD. Even if you don’t mean it at first, keep praying that by faith, you will forgive them for hurting you.It is a part of your journey to discover self, and will help you as you strive to fulfill God’s purpose for your life. Plus they’re just not that important- there is 7 Billion people in this world, I am absolutely sure you’ll meet a better fit in due time. Let it go, it didn’t work out for a reason.
I use to look at the “loners” in the movie theater like they were crazy, until I became the loner in the movie theater. Now I realize one of the most empowering things you could ever do is have the courage to sit alone for 2 hours in a dark room, with no one to cuddle or chat with. It’s actually kind of nice. More popcorn for me.
A true relationship with Christ has become the solution to my identity crisis and is the most important relationship I have ever, and will ever, be in. He is my identity. I am single, but never alone.
1 Corinthians 7:15 “But if the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so. In such cases the brother or sister is not enslaved. God has called you to peace.”
One time for the nation,