I was a Criminal Justice major in college. During my freshman year, I remember one of my professors saying, “a criminal always returns to the scene of the crime.” At the time, I thought this concept was ridiculous. If you know good and well you did something that you shouldn’t have been doing, why in the heck would you go back to see the damage? Well it’s because, whether good or bad, people love admiring their work.
You know what’s interesting? Just like a criminal returning to a crime scene, men who have broken your heart will always come back. ALWAYS. It may take weeks. It may take months. It may take years. It may take decades. But these jokers always tend to pop up at some point. Whether it’s a random “I miss you” text, or a comment on a Facebook pic that you posted 4 years ago, they always resurface. And usually, it’s when you least expect it.
Now, before you respond to his “How R U” text, consider how he treated you while you were going through the breakup. I believe you definitely learn more about a person AFTER you breakup than you did while you were together. But why do most guys come back?
Here Are My Top 5 Reasons Your Ex Will Come Running Back:
1) He wants to ensure that you haven’t moved on before he does. He can’t stand the thought of you moving on without him. This type of ex really doesn’t want to be with you. He simply wants to do just enough to ensure a new man doesn’t come along and pick up the pieces that he shattered. This way, he can always use you as a back up plan if he needs to.
2) He KNOWS that you will take him back. No matter how bad he messed up, he knows that you will give him another chance because you have done it so many times before. Sis, every time you take a guy back after he has dogged you, you will lose more and more value in his eyes. A woman who truly respects herself is not going to stay in, or give 5th and 6th chances, to a man that has treated her terribly.
3) His “rebound” relationship failed, so now he’s back to make you his “rebound’s rebound”. I will be doing a post on rebounds (and how to avoid becoming one), soon.
4) He knows that he was dead wrong and the guilt is eating him alive. In an attempt to make himself feel better, he wants you to validate that he is not as horrible as he feels. When this type of ex reappears and you entertain it, it clears his conscience and makes him feel that his behavior towards you was acceptable. No one wants to “feel like a jerk”, even if they behave like one. He’ll do his best to get back into your good graces. And then shortly after, he’ll disappear again.
5) He genuinely is sorry and realizes what he had. He has taken the time to mature and reflect and he knows that he lost a good thing. But you must remember, the relationship ended for a reason. As tempting as it may be, it’s probably best to leave this door closed. His change will be evident by him making better decisions in the future. And unfortunately, your situation may be what he needed to grow and make better decisions with the next woman- not you.
Here is my mentality on past relationships: Like most people, I made a lot of crappy decisions in High School. If I could go back, there are many things I would do differently. But I do not need to repeat the 11th grade to grow from it. I simply took my losses and learned from them.
Soul Ties with ex’s are a serious matter, and have an awful way of bonding us to people that God never intended us to be with. When the ex that hurt you comes knocking, you don’t have to answer the door. Simply learn from the experience, grow from the experience, and move forward…..
Isaiah 43:18-19 “Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.”
Why do you think exes come back? I would love to hear your thoughts! Also, please subscribe to receive my future post!
One time for the nation,