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2 Words: Trust Issues.

cyn·i·cal: believing that people are motivated by self-interest; distrustful of human sincerity or integrity

This pretty much sums up my love life. I have been betrayed by guys that I loved, let down, lied to, cheated on, and left completely heartbroken. My dating experiences with men have made me, well, kinda cold. The worst part has been accepting the fact that I am responsible for CHOOSING to be in relationships with people who hurt me. It has often times made me doubt and question my own judgement. My past experiences have made me a love cynic to the core. Tired of being hurt. Tired of being disappointed. And doing everything in my power to keep any man who is even bold enough to pursue me ———->OVER THERE.

Sadly, if God sent me my husband today, I wouldn’t even know it because he probably wouldn’t make it past ‘Hello.

◄ Isaiah 2:22 ►
“Don’t put your trust in mere humans. They are as frail as breath. What good are they?”

The face I give dudes when they ask for my phone number.

This is one of my favorite scriptures. Why? Because it validates my cynical attitude towards love and gives me a justification to shut people out. Whenever I am approached, my body language screams, “No sir, you cannot have my number. I don’t trust you ’cause the bible says you are frail as breath.  Now, leave me alone, I’m just guarding my heart………with a AK47.


Have you ever had a deep convo with God that brought all of your issues to the surface? I have. And He showed me ME. What I thought was “guarding my heart”, was really bitterness taking root in my life. What I thought was my “personality”, was actually a defense mechanism that I created to prevent people from getting close enough to hurt me again. I used my bad experiences to build a wall that I could care less about ever being knocked down.

But this is not how God treats us. Even after we betray Him, disobey Him, disrespect Him,  lie to Him, and break His heart over and over, he never becomes cynical towards us. If anyone is entitled to have trust issues, it’s God.  He already knows we will disappoint Him, but he still gives us chance after chance.  Sin builds a wall of seperation that grace effortlessly knocks down. After meditating on Isaiah 2:22, I realized that it is really talking about my relationship with ME. I can no longer put my trust in myself, because I, like every human, am frail as breath. I must desire God’s will over my own. And it is His will that I love and show grace to others fearlessly, the same way He has loved and shown grace to me. Everyone deserves a chance. If they blow it, that’s on them.

Somebody out there is reading this and understands exactly what I am talking about. You are tired of giving your all only to end up empty handed. You are sick of playing games. You believe in love for everybody else, but you just don’t see it happening for you.The thought of being vulnerable and opening yourself up to another guy scares you, because just like the others, you know he has the potential to let you down too.

imageLike me, Sis you are guarded. And unfortunately, you are probably missing out on friendships and relationships that were intended to be a blessing in this chapter of  your life. Now, I’m not telling you to be no fool! Definitely examine a person’s “fruit” before you welcome them into your life. But in order to examine their fruit, you must be willing to get close enough to pick it up and take a good look.

I just want to encourage you (as I encourage myself), to let go of the pain that you have been carrying around for so long. It is blocking you from receiving many of the wonderful things God has in store for you. There is nothing cynical about trusting God to send the right people at the right time. I pray that He gives you the discernment and wisdom to spot the frauds, and heals your heart so you are not so quick to become defensive.

I will not waste another minute of my life avoiding potential relationships and friendships out of fear of being hurt. I’ve given too much power to my past, and I am tired of letting Satan bully me out developing potentially awesome relationships. You can’t enjoy the beauty of a new relationship without letting go of the pain that the last one caused you. Will people hurt you in the future? Yep. Will you face your fair share disappointments? Absolutely. But your pain has a purpose and may just lead you to your destiny. I pray that this meets you where you are, and inspires you to fully trust God to deliver on every promise He has ever made. Be Free! And if the man at the grocery store respectfully asks you for the digits, be open to giving him a chance…..

Proverbs 14:10 “Each heart knows it’s own bitterness, and no one else can share its joy.”

One time for the nation,

~Britt

Me ministering this past weekend

About Saved Single ME

Christian, cupcake lover, owl collector, Grad student, Carter’s Aunt, part-time extrovert, pink Starburst on deck, secretly loves listening to Christmas music year-round, secretly fears robots #Huglife

11 Comments
  • PW
    November 25, 2014

    “You believe in love for everybody else, but you just don’t see it happening for you.”

    I love Love! I just think, I mean USED to think it won’t happen for me. 😉

    This post was right on time!

  • Kim
    November 6, 2014

    Hi,

    Really encouraged by your post as a fellow sister of Christ! Love how God is using your writing skills to bless others, including myself. <3 Hope we continue to love others just like how Christ poured out his wasteful love onto us.

    In Christ,
    Kim

  • kristie
    October 1, 2014

    You have always said words to inspire me to do better and move on in my life. You speak the truth and nothing less. Hopefully one day I can be as strong as you. I need to start allowing the guidance of god . Miss you and thank you.

  • Shonnie
    September 27, 2014

    I am right in this position and am thankful for you being so transparent. It was great to know I am not alone. Thank you for sharing your story and offering words of encouragement! Means a lot 🙂

  • aRi
    September 25, 2014

    This was a really encouraging message for myself like the others have stated! My first relationship and only REAL relationship broke me all the way down! Of course it was because God wasn’t the center of it. When you’re young and you so all the things you THINK you are SUPPOSED to in a relationship (because of TV, movies, people around you,etc.), you lose yourself and you began to live a figment of imagination! It ended VERY BAD however, in my healing process I’ve shut out any men that even somewhat seem interested. I laugh at people when they ask me am I ok or (y’all know what’s next)…and I say no but right now it isn’t for me. It isn’t for me because I’m not allowing (as the blog said) God to bring the people who are relative to this next phase of life (new season) in.

    So I thank you my sister for sharing this message because a lot of us could use it and need it!!!

    ThANK YOU!

  • Bro Sokes
    September 24, 2014

    A certain portion of your blog states, “I pray that He gives you the discernment and wisdom to spot the frauds, and heals your heart so you are not so quick to become defensive.”

    That is my prayer for you and any other Sister who would read your blog (to consider the encouragement; to apply it to their own lives). Also, spend some time with God; in His Word: Proverbs 3:5-7. I am sure that if it be applied to the everyday interactions that discernment will eventually be brought to you. For your Father in Heaven does not desire one of His children to walk without His Wisdom, Knowledge, or Understanding…

  • Karla Pope
    September 20, 2014

    Hats off, Britt! That, was worth the read and on point. I believe we, subconsciously sabotage relationships based upon our own experience with, pain.

  • Tobi Atte
    September 18, 2014

    Well said. I love seeing it when people have those deeply introspective conversations with themselves. Great job. I pray that when de does come around, God would have given him the key not even necessarily to break down the walls but to open them up and walk right through the gates !! Great stuff Brittanee!

  • Charlene
    September 17, 2014

    Amen and amen!!! This is spot on Brit!!!

  • chelleyvelle
    September 16, 2014

    Met me right were I am now and I’m thankful for you sharing your experience and bringin hope to those of us who still believe in love!

  • Emerald
    September 16, 2014

    Sis! Thank you for sharing! Your transparency is going to meet so many young women where they are. I’m praying your strength in the Lord and that he’ll wake you and your Adam soon and very soon 😉

    When I first got saved I had a similar season of avoiding, with all diligence, anything that made me even remotely consider sinning against God. However God had to begin to develop some fruit of the spirit so that I wouldn’t just be “fleeing” these situations but that I would also be able to speak life into these circumstances for others. Flee for a while, and pray that God will give you a heart and sound mind to combat that cynical spirit and be open to loving again.

    All My Love Sis
    -Emmy

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