cyn·i·cal: believing that people are motivated by self-interest; distrustful of human sincerity or integrity
This pretty much sums up my love life. I have been betrayed by guys that I loved, let down, lied to, cheated on, and left completely heartbroken. My dating experiences with men have made me, well, kinda cold. The worst part has been accepting the fact that I am responsible for CHOOSING to be in relationships with people who hurt me. It has often times made me doubt and question my own judgement. My past experiences have made me a love cynic to the core. Tired of being hurt. Tired of being disappointed. And doing everything in my power to keep any man who is even bold enough to pursue me ———->OVER THERE.
Sadly, if God sent me my husband today, I wouldn’t even know it because he probably wouldn’t make it past ‘Hello.
◄ Isaiah 2:22 ►
“Don’t put your trust in mere humans. They are as frail as breath. What good are they?”
This is one of my favorite scriptures. Why? Because it validates my cynical attitude towards love and gives me a justification to shut people out. Whenever I am approached, my body language screams, “No sir, you cannot have my number. I don’t trust you ’cause the bible says you are frail as breath. Now, leave me alone, I’m just guarding my heart………with a AK47.
Have you ever had a deep convo with God that brought all of your issues to the surface? I have. And He showed me ME. What I thought was “guarding my heart”, was really bitterness taking root in my life. What I thought was my “personality”, was actually a defense mechanism that I created to prevent people from getting close enough to hurt me again. I used my bad experiences to build a wall that I could care less about ever being knocked down.
But this is not how God treats us. Even after we betray Him, disobey Him, disrespect Him, lie to Him, and break His heart over and over, he never becomes cynical towards us. If anyone is entitled to have trust issues, it’s God. He already knows we will disappoint Him, but he still gives us chance after chance. Sin builds a wall of seperation that grace effortlessly knocks down. After meditating on Isaiah 2:22, I realized that it is really talking about my relationship with ME. I can no longer put my trust in myself, because I, like every human, am frail as breath. I must desire God’s will over my own. And it is His will that I love and show grace to others fearlessly, the same way He has loved and shown grace to me. Everyone deserves a chance. If they blow it, that’s on them.
Somebody out there is reading this and understands exactly what I am talking about. You are tired of giving your all only to end up empty handed. You are sick of playing games. You believe in love for everybody else, but you just don’t see it happening for you.The thought of being vulnerable and opening yourself up to another guy scares you, because just like the others, you know he has the potential to let you down too.
Like me, Sis you are guarded. And unfortunately, you are probably missing out on friendships and relationships that were intended to be a blessing in this chapter of your life. Now, I’m not telling you to be no fool! Definitely examine a person’s “fruit” before you welcome them into your life. But in order to examine their fruit, you must be willing to get close enough to pick it up and take a good look.
I just want to encourage you (as I encourage myself), to let go of the pain that you have been carrying around for so long. It is blocking you from receiving many of the wonderful things God has in store for you. There is nothing cynical about trusting God to send the right people at the right time. I pray that He gives you the discernment and wisdom to spot the frauds, and heals your heart so you are not so quick to become defensive.
I will not waste another minute of my life avoiding potential relationships and friendships out of fear of being hurt. I’ve given too much power to my past, and I am tired of letting Satan bully me out developing potentially awesome relationships. You can’t enjoy the beauty of a new relationship without letting go of the pain that the last one caused you. Will people hurt you in the future? Yep. Will you face your fair share disappointments? Absolutely. But your pain has a purpose and may just lead you to your destiny. I pray that this meets you where you are, and inspires you to fully trust God to deliver on every promise He has ever made. Be Free! And if the man at the grocery store respectfully asks you for the digits, be open to giving him a chance…..
Proverbs 14:10 “Each heart knows it’s own bitterness, and no one else can share its joy.”
One time for the nation,