Side Chick definition:
1. A woman who overcompensates to gain affection from a man who uses her. The man sees no true value in her womanhood, and her tolerance of his behavior is a direct reflection of her low self esteem. She settles for less, while treating him like a king, and gives him unlimited passes to degrade, devalue, and disrespect her without the expectation of commitment.
Take your time and re-read the definition. Sadly, we are living in a time when most women in relationships perceive themselves as esteemed girlfriends, but have unknowingly become side chicks. I used to be one of them.
See it starts off innocent enough. He is throwing a little attention your way, sending you cute texts, and telling you how special you are and that he’s never met a girl like you. And the attention and affection are exciting! Especially since you look around and feel like everybody has a man except you. So you overlook the clear warning signs because you are tired of being single and are determined to make him the one. Even though you’re super busy, you start moving your schedule around for him. Next thing you know, you’re cooking, planning & paying for dates here and there, trying to meet his momma, tolerating his immature friends, and taking cute little USies’ that you can’t wait to post on Instagram and Facebook for all your haters to see that you finally got a man! But as you exert more effort, he exerts less…. and less…. and less until finally you’re doing all the work to keep up the relationship.
Raise your hand if this is has ever been you. *looks around and notices no hands going up* Just Me? Suuuuure.
See, I was in a committed monogamous relationship. I had the ‘girlfriend‘ title and everything to go along with it. But even though my label said ‘girlfriend‘, the truth is, I was the side chick. The mistress. The other woman. While I was celebrating the joy of finally getting me a man, I discovered he was already in a happy relationship….. with himself.
And while he was happily only thinking of himself, I was hustling and bustling to win him over. Cooking, cleaning, buying, and doing whatever I could do to win his affection. Trust me when I tell you there is nothing worse than playing side chick to a man who is already in love with himself. I was determined to make him break down and give me his heart, as it was too late for me to take back mine. My neediness and desire for validation depended on it. But that’s not how life works; side chicks never finish 1st.
What I learned:
Side chicks place value in basic things that EVERY MAN should be doing like, “girl he has his own place, a trash can in his kitchen, and name brand toothpaste! And he even filed his taxes this year!” Well, he’s a grown man sis. He shouldn’t get a cookie for doing things all grown men SHOULD BE DOING. Any guy that you allow to walk in your life needs to have more than the bare minimum, and I am not talking about clothing and shelter. He should be a leader, pursuer, protector, and respectful gentleman who cherishes and honors you. He should be a follower of Christ with a purpose for his life. And most of all, he should recognize that YOU ARE FAVOR! A man who is seriously interested in pursuing you will not have a problem putting you first.
You are more precious than rubies sis. Never stay with a man that makes you feel like you are in competition with his ego, his momma, his friends, another woman, or anything other than the Proverbs 31 woman you were meant to become.
DIY, Fail Proof, Money Back Guarantee Way To Get A Ring:
1. Leave that fool alone. Seriously. I know it’s hard. But if only you could see yourself the way God see’s you….. You don’t have time to waste on a man who has not made the decision to put you first. Don’t get so caught up being the side chick, that you miss the opportunity to become a wife.
2. Stop chasing him. You are to be pursued. A man who is too lazy to plan a date, call you back, or keep a job doesn’t need a girlfriend- he needs a kick in the bum and a LinkedIn profile.
3. Stop making excuses for his shady behavior. He has shown you his true self- believe him. Your friends and family have probably even tried to warn you. If he is treating you like this now, it is not going to get better.
4. Evaluate your self-esteem. Life has shown me that some of the prettiest women really do have the lowest self esteem. Your makeup and hair may be on point, but when everything is stripped away, how do you feel about YOU? Real women who are confident in who they are in Christ wouldn’t tolerate this foolishness. Acknowledging and accepting that I suffered from low self-esteem was the most important part of me being able to change it.
5. Stop sleeping with him. Seriously. G-Ma always said, “the fastest way to bring closure to a relationship is to start with your legs.” Sorry about the directness Saints, my grandma is a thug. There are so many consequences for giving your heart, body, and mind to a man who is not committed to you.
6. Give your life to your “First Love” Jesus Christ and allow him to heal all the brokenness and insecurity you have had bottled up for years. He is a Healer. (This is actually the 1st, and most important step)
7. Make a celibacy vow until marriage, and buy yourself a Purity Ring as a reminder of your promise to yourself and God! See, I told you I would help you get the ring you’ve been waiting on!
You were designed to be somebodies wife.
Side chicks are usually damaged, desperate, and hurt girls that will do anything not to be alone. They accept less because they don’t believe they deserve more. They always have a man around (even if it’s somebody else’s) because they need constant reassurance that they are beautiful, smart, deserving, and worthy of love. They never learned how to give themselves that validation, so they are trying to get it from an unqualified outside source. I pray every woman reading begins to see herself the way Christ sees her.
Now smile, forgive yourself for who you were, and start becoming who you were meant to be….
Proverbs 31:5 “She is more precious than rubies; nothing you desire can compare with her.”
One time for the nation,